i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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