I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize