I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
