Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
