i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
