I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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