I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
