Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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