There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
