so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
