evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
