Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
