I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
