So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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