then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
