wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
