For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
