I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
