so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
