I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
