i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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