apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
