i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
