if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
