FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
