What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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