i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
