i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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