I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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