i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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