I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
