Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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