I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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