i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my shit smells like andre
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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