dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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