he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
