I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
