it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We need to rekindle our bromance
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
