Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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