I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
