She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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