8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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