Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is the high leading the old right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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