I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize