My nipple is on Facebook.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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