I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
