38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i now understand why vodka
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
