I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
