I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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