So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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