I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
