I accidentally burped into my bong.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
