she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
