The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
