Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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