my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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