Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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