I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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