I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
