It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Watching her eat just hurts me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
