he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
