I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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