Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
