Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
