thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
