Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm getting married
To pizza
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
