need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
