I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
