I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
