My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize