You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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