The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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