I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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