Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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