She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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