he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize