Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
