the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
