Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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