i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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