Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pooping to opera.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
