he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
