So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
