just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
