I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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