Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
