They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
