Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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