so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just pynch a tree in the face
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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