it hurts more in the daytime
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
