matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
